i ran into this too, different hole, <i was eating a guys ass out>, but same problem.... a buddy told me to lay on the conditioner on my beard when i'm in the shower and let it soak in for about 10 minutes....supposedly to soften the courseness................. it worked, and my buddy let me back in his hole.... <EVIL GRIN>

Hey Gents, I'm both hairdresser of 20 years, and a beard wearing man for about 17. Here's some tips for partner-friendly face fur:

1 Don't use soap, or even skin cleansers on your beard. Use shampoo and conditioner. And I really do recommend something professional versus out-of-the-grocery store. Why? Cuz the Pro-stuff has better quality cleansers and fortifiers, less likely to build up and make crunchy one's facial hair glory. The Pro-stuff has higher-grade proteins for hair strength, and better hydrating ingredients that bind with the proteins, so you get the healthiest, happiest face hair. If you're worried about using a conditioner so close to your face, well, don't put it right up next to your skin. Use it further down, away from your mouth and nose. I've done this for years now, and even my clients who aren't so much beard folk notice I got good goatee going on.

2 Trim your face hair every week to two weeks, just to keep good shape, and to remove any frayed ends. Because beard hair is coarser, it has a tendancy to be more split-end prone than the suppler, more silken head-hair above. You don't have to cut much off to maintain shape or healthy texture. Between an 8th and a 16th of an inch will do, depending on how fast your beard grows.
Use good quality scissors, sharp of blade and easy in hand, to trim and shape your beard. Head to Sally Beauty Supply for affordable, Pro-quality scissors. Yep, you'll pay a bit more than for your average toenail trimmers. But your beard will thank you. And whoever's crotch or cranny rides your beard will thank you. Hopefully, several times a night.
You can also choose the beard trimmers/hair clippers you can get just about anywhere, these days. Oil the blades before and after each use. And clean the hairs out after use. Otherwise, the hairs collect in the motor, mucking up the mechanics and dulling the blades Dull scissor or clipper blades cause more split ends, making your beard feel more coarse. And we already know nobody wants to ride Mr. Scratcy-Stachey.

3 You can also use a Leave-In conditioner, which is just what it sounds like it is. It's formulated to be light weight, so ya don't look like ya put Crisco in yer beard, gents. So many companies make a good version, there are too many for me to name. Plus, you should check them out yourself, cuz you've got to like whatever fragrance there may be. Or find one that isn't all smelly-like-a-girly. Leave-Ins are good to keep frizz from freaking out your face fuz, so your points stay sharp, corners squared, and staches twirled. You can still use whatever wax or gel you like, cuz the Leave-Ins won't interfere.

4 If you're having problems getting or keeping the shape you want, or you can't find products you like, try the old-school barber shop. Alot of the good 'ol boys will have things the "hair studios" don't even know about.

Happy grooming and getting some, guys!

Ouch!

In addition to the good advice about conditioning, keep in mind that freshly trimmed whiskers have sharper edges, which will feel all the sharper if the beard is shorter and the whiskers have less flex.

jim

my beard is rather soft... i tend to just use what ever shampoo and conditioner i have around on it every few days i usually leave the conditioner in for a few minutes before i wash it out